Not for one single second am I suggesting that I am a perfect parent, far from it. I am inexperienced, I have never spent a moment considering children before I had my own and I’m pretty sure there is no such thing as a perfect parent due to the fact that a child has personal will. However, I like to think I put the effort in to understand what my role entails.
I am all about positive attachment parenting, I see no scientific or anecdotal evidence that makes me want to do it any other way. Whilst I don’t think the approach is very natural to me, Tom disagrees but then I guess he only sees the outcome of my hours and hours of reading and pondering; running scenarios through in my head and analysing real life events.
One thing I have noticed is just how ignorant people are to the lasting effects of their unconsidered behaviour on their wonderful little people. I’m not saying that they treat them badly, or that they do what they do from a place of cruelty: they do it from a place of ignorance but it shocks me none the less.
I was talking to a lady the other day and she was saying how when she has told her 5 year old son off, he comes to her to say he loves her and tries to cuddle her and she tells him ‘no, you’ve been naughty and mummy does like you right now’ SERIOUSLY??? it hurts my heart. I’m just going to leave that right there.
This same lady was discussing how babies have nothing to offer, how the first few months are just dull and it’s just them being incapable blobs. How utterly, utterly shameful. So little respect for their individual little lives, but it really should be of no surprise to me as I have plenty of interaction with this lady and my opinion is cast aside and I am walked over for personal gain, it’s just a shame. She’s happy with how she is though and what entails a good person is a personal opinion at the end of the day.
I am under no illusion that our little pickle is super chilled, whether that be because of our respectful approach to him or just him, I guess we will never know. He has been getting much more possessive about things recently. The little scooter above has caused some frustration for him when I want to move him onto something else. As with everything, I resist the urge to put parental need and adult opinions over how he feels about it, and I am really pleased that I have made the choice to do it like that from day one: he always responds positively, even if he gets upset when I have to calmly apply my boundaries. The upset is short lived, I am there for him and allow him to feel it and it makes me feel connected.
It’s strange that upsetting my child makes me feel more connected, but it’s easy to feel connected when you’re laughing and happy: it’s about being there to support the big emotions, no matter what they look like. Showing him my love is unconditional and it’s OK to feel like that.
This journey just gets more intense and rewarding as each day goes by.