There was a conversation going on in the kitchen at work yesterday regarding having kids. The discussion involved parents and two ladies who are yet or may never have children, for their own reasons I guess.
I butted in as usual, with the fact that one thing I would say to anyone was that if you have anything other than a stable relationship, then you shouldn’t have kids. I stand by that but it also got me thinking about exactly what I would say to someone when it comes to the biggest decision of their life, ever!
Everyone has their own reasons for becoming parents and others don’t even think about, they just do because that’s what they assume the next step is. Tom and I decided to do it because we have such an amazing relationship that we wanted a little person to be a part of it, we felt we had everything you need to offer a child mentally. We were at a point of emotional readiness, which for us was the key.
The question was asked of me as to why I felt so strongly that your relationship is key, and here it is. Having a child is brutal, it exposes your weakness, your darkness, it challenges every emotion you posses and it threatens to consume you pretty much daily.. Every bit of work you have ever done on yourself mentally and physically is laid out bare and all you thought you had a grip of in the world is thrown into an unrecoverable tail spin back down to earth with a crash.
You are no longer absorbed totally as a couple, you’re forced to do things apart, take shifts with a poorly baby, clean up vomit from your entire house whilst you yourself are fighting the same illness and your other half is dying in a ball of sickness and fatigue too. It’s not pretty, but it’s incredible. Your relationship will never be the same again, but in our case, we would never want it to be. It’s grown even stronger and bigger than we ever thought it could. We have not only seen each others weakness, we have seen a strength of epic propotion, and it’s something you just do.
When you look at your combined efforts personified, you’re overwhelmed with a love you never even contemplated existed and waves of panic when it dawns on you that you are responsible for shaping this beautiful, infallible little ball of perfection.. But then..
They smile, they laugh, they look at you, they say their first word, they master the smallest of skills, their mere existence just makes your heart burst afresh every time and you know you wouldn’t have it any other way. You have never smiled a true smile until you have experienced a child’s love.
From the moment I conceived, I was in awe of the process and I never stop being in awe. Leo has taught me the value of small things in the world. There is a game and happiness in everything and we are here to guide him along and enjoy the scariest ride of our lives!
I am rebuilding myself everyday into a role model he deserves, I don’t see how that could ever be anything but positive.
So be realistic, you can always talk yourself out of it but trust me, you know when you are ready. We were the last couple anyone expected to have kids and now look. Every moment of our existence now is for his future and that makes us more of a team than ever before.
In a nutshell, it’s breathtaking.