Big weekend

Not only was it Leo’s 7 month birthday on Saturday, he spent the night in his own room last night!

He wasn’t in the least bit phased by it, but I felt really quite lonely. I had the camera monitor next to my bed, but it’s amazing how used to a presence you become. His gentle breathing and manic fidgeting has become my bedside norm for the last 7 months and the room felt absolutely, unnaturally silent.. Of course, I didn’t sleep any better and kept waking up to check the monitor. I also could hear pretty much every squeak he made, even if the monitor didn’t react to it. I’m sure I will get used to sleeping the longer stretches, just in time for teeth to make an appearance!

The other cot is still in place next to our bed for such occasions as we can’t fit a bed in the little room, so isn’t quite so convenient should there be a requirement for regular interaction.

He has also decided to throw out his normal day time sleep routines.. It’s absolute carnage! How can a woman plan a day now 😉 we had seamlessly transitioned from 3 sleeps a day and a bedtime of 8pm, to 2 sleeps a day and 7pm bedtime. This weekend, he decided that he didn’t want to have his first nap after 2.5hrs of being awake, which is his normal, and then when he did eventually sleep, it was only for 30mins.

The rest of the day has been anyone’s guess from there, so I decided we would attempt to sleep at 10am and 2pm ish today and see how that goes. He foiled me straight off there and fell asleep after 2.5hrs whilst out walking the dogs, only to wake up immediately when we got home as Sammy shook his head. So, I thought I’d put him straight back into his cot to snooze, not interested. It’s now 9.30 and I’m trying again as he was falling asleep whilst feeding, it’s not going too well! He just likes to rotate into the most awkward position possible in his new cot, he gets his little feet on the bars and pushes round!


Best laid plans..

Being an obsessive planner about certain aspects of my life, I got a childminder boxed off before Leo was born as I know demand for places can be quite high.

I contacted her last week to sort out my back to work plans and integrating Leo in gently. I thought it was strange I hadn’t heard back, but thought it was down to half term and being busy. So, I contacted her again yesterday, only to receive a message to tell me she had decided to give up childminding for personal reasons. Marvellous

I decided then that I wanted to go and look at nurseries as there were a few aspects of a childminder that was niggling at me anyway. There are absolutely loads around where I work and a lot of them look and sound amazing. Some don’t have the spaces, but my viewing started today on my way home from work..

I was really impressed, loved the atmosphere, the people, the routines.. They were incredibly accommodating (and so they should be for the price!) they are happy to use reusable nappies and wipes, happy to adapt the menu to be no sugar for Leo and I would have him on the vegetarian options to avoid meat that hasn’t been farmed in a way that I think is acceptable.. It’s given be a great first impression anyway and I am going to see another on Thursday. I feel really positive about it and has made me dread my return to work a little less. I feel like it’ll be really great for him and he can exist in a lovely little community and understand social interaction and experience all the challenges that go along with that.

As one door shuts, another one very quickly opens

New skills

Over the last couple of days I have noticed Leo is using his tongue differently. He is lifting it to the roof of his mouth all the time and is also smacking his lips together. He spends lots of time watching my lips and mouth when I’m doing things too.

It’s amazing seeing development like this, you expect it to be so gradual that you don’t notice, but it’s quite the opposite. They suddenly seem to have a new skill and it is really obvious! This one very much so as I get to see that he still has a partial tongue tie and I have noticed that for months! I noticed the lip smacking because of the noise and I knew it was a new noise.

It’s hanging on in there!

The cold has now claimed us all. Tom started with it on Friday and is merrily fighting it off as we speak! Leo is still super snotty but is managing the whole night in his cot again.

I was out with the NCT crew yesterday evening, so we had a bottle ready for the 2.30 feed as I wouldn’t be out of the alcohol zone by that time.. Would he take it? Would he heckers! Tom basically spent over an hour bouncing him and then I fed him from me. What this did prove (I think) is that this night waking is purely for comfort, how I solve that is a different matter.

I don’t find it particularly inconvenient, but when we move him into the nursery, it will be a lot less convenient. Once I have the cold out of the way, I think I will start moving him on with the dummy again. I stopped this originally as I got less sleep having to resettle him every hour than I did by just waking and feeding him. The other option is a dream feed.

Ive tried dream feeds before and had no luck with them at all, he’s in such a deep sleep when we come to bed and there is absolutely no stirring him into feeding.. Who knows? I suspect this is another one of those occasions where I will get myself wound up about it and it would just be a lot easier to go with it until it eventually times out by itself! We’ll see, I don’t want to end up with a super clingy baby who will only settle with me, although the cuddles in the night are really lovely!

Will it, won’t it!

Having a poorly baby is starting to take its toll on me, whatever virus has got a grip of his poor little body is trying it’s luck on me.

I can feel it starting in my chest, this is my weak spot, and if it gets me and I can’t sleep it off, it will blow me away. I’m fighting it, I’m hammering the vitamin C and I’m thinking strong, virus kick ass thoughts! I do find that helps sometimes.

I have to work all day today too, Tom has booked the day off to look after Leo as mum isn’t 100% still and his snoozes are pretty tricky at the min so I didn’t think it was fair on anyone. Of course, Leo didn’t have a big snooze in his cot in the night, so I’m functioning on fairly low! Today could be interesting!

Team work

Amazing Daddy, doing amazing daddying

We still have a poorly of pickle, he’s loads better than he was but he’s still recovering and he is horribly snotty and congested. He went down to sleep in his own cot last night, but we got him up and on us as he just kept choking on phlegm!

We took him out today for a walk and the fresh air really seems to have perked him up, he managed to go over 3 hrs between his snoozes and he hasn’t done that since Wednesday. He is really struggling with his chest and coughing now too, I guess as the phlegm is drying up it is getting sticky and heavy on his chest.

He’s been such a little trooper through it all, my mum has it now and she said if he’s had it half as bad as she has then it’s horrific!

I don’t know how I would’ve managed it if it wasn’t for Tom and being able to split the night shifts. My heart goes out to single mums more now than ever!

Unnecessary guilt!

We have a poorly little pickle, really quite bad actually. It started the night before last and got worse yesterday afternoon. He has got really congested and has snot pouring down his little face as well as quite a raw sounding cough appearing in the night.

Tom and I took it in turns last night to have him sleep upright on us, as anything other than that made it hard for him to breathe. It’s incredibly sad to listen to him struggling as I know myself that being unable to breathe through my nose drives me insane!

I feel guilty because I feel like I have failed to provide him with the immunity to fight it off before it got to this point. Totally irrational I know, but my breastmilk is supposed to help him to not be ill, and yes, I know it doesn’t work miracles.. But it’s my job to keep him safe and well

We are currently playing in the bathroom with some eucalyptus in the burner and the shower going for some steam, Leo is having a great game with the plunger and the door stop! He has plenty of other toys, but these are way more fun!

Fooled you!

Togged up to go and meet daddy in town for lunch

Leo decided that the 12 hour sleep pattern was for losers last night and after hourly fidgets from midnight and me finally feeding him at 3.30, he was all happy smiles and wide awake. Tom took him and played with him for an hour and a half and then he came back and snooze for another hour and a half.

I now have no idea what is going on now and what schedule to aim for! It’s a control freaks worst nightmare!

I am currently sat in a pub car park, with a sleeping baby in my arms after limping back from work between meltdowns, I just couldn’t carry on at this point as he had got himself in a right state. Puffy eyes, choking on his cries etc, it breaks my heart. So I bounced him to sleep, wrapped in a scarf because it’s so cold and I have just managed to get back into the car with him. Looks like I’m stuck here whilst he has a snooze, it’s very sweet!

Not for the routine addicts!

Lovely sunny day at the makers markets

Every time you get a routine nailed, it’s guaranteed that your little sneak will switch it up on you!

Having transitioned from the swaddle, I expected nights of broken and shortened sleep. We had one, he has now gone from sleeping for just over 10 hours at night to over 12. His new wakeup time has been 7.30 for the last few days, so we decided to move bedtime to 7pm instead of 8, as a 7.30 start makes everything quite late for me.. We woke up at 7.20 this morning!

He fidgeted at 1.30 and I had managed to sleep through until then from 8.30! A miracle. I then fed him at 4, he has happily been distracted from his 2.30 feed now with a dummy, the only reason I feed at 4 instead of distraction is because my boobs can’t take that sort of time out and I’m in drowning agony by 4 as it is. They need time to adjust to the new routine too!

So now, my carefully constructed routine is totally up in the air and I need to rethink.  He managed 2.5 hours awake first thing, half an hour longer than normal and he is currently up to an hour on this snooze. I think the aim now will be to get at least 4 hours awake time out if him before another nap this afternoon..

It’s going to take some getting used to again, and all in time for him to switch it on up on me again.. And then, I will have to switch it up on him once I’m back in work as we need to leave the house by about 6.50 so that I can drop him with ruzina and be in the office for 8. Poor little man

Trusting myself

This is a part of my personality that I battle with regularly. I constantly question my knowledge, intelligence and interpretation of information. I also worry that my opinion on something is going to upset people and they will get pissed off at constantly hearing me go on about something. It’s always in context I might add, I don’t bring things up randomly.

A constant lesson I am trying to teach myself is that if I am passionate about something, I have done my research and formed a valid opinion, then I should give that opinion and not be worried about who it upsets, if anyone. I also shouldn’t care if people get annoyed by it, again, if it’s something I feel passionate about and I know I am informed and not just spouting off, then I should have courage in what I am saying. I need to remember, that conflicting thoughts aren’t there to stop me having an opinion. I am always so quick to blame myself in a situation and I need to knock that on the head once and for all. I want to make sure Leo never sees that side of me, I don’t want him to fear rejection because of an opinion. I want him to understand that the people who walk away because of your valid and well informed opinion, were never destined to be a part of your world anyway, so nothing lost!