Sleep training sleeplessness

Leo’s sleeping has never been a source of stress for me until someone pointed out that you can’t feed them to sleep forever. He was regularly going 6 hours first stint at least.

Since starting the sleep training mission, he hasn’t gone more than 4 without a battle that results in me being awake for hours, stressing about what we are doing. I’ve come to enjoy the ‘if it doesn’t feel right it isn’t’ approach to parenting and I am starting to feel like that with this.

He is settling within 15mins at night, but it’s as if his sleep isn’t as restful for some reason, this could be simply down to no longer being swaddled but could also mean his sleep has more anxiety. So does that mean I should still be swaddling him?

I feel like we haven’t given it a full chance however, as we haven’t made the most of creating a sensory environment and he is actually too big for the crib and should be moved into his cot. I didn’t really want to move him into his own room yet, but realistically, I think it is the only way to achieve the environment suggested as optimum and would also give us our space back.

It’s frustrating as we don’t actually have a living room outside of our bedroom, so I feel pretty restricted by this, but I just need to get my head around the fact that we don’t have that and people cope without that too so just get on with it. I’d be lying if I said it is easy for me to get over that as I find it a daily source of stress at the minute.. However, we aren’t in a position to buy our own place right now so what can you do?!

I can feel myself getting really mad every night at the minute though. Not at Leo, just the situation. I want to sort stuff in the day, but it’s impossible by myself as I can’t move the cot from upstairs, the TV out of the nursery, the bean bags (don’t get me started on the f*&+ING bean bags) out of the nursery, set the sensory stuff up (just getting around to buying distilled water for the tube is apparently impossible) pick Ewan up from our friends that live about 3 miles away (also an impossible task it would seem) have enough space to do everything and have it all ready for that evening. Tom doesn’t get in until 6 and then we start the evening routine of tea and then bed time for Leo. We are then captive in silence and darkness in our end of the house, so can’t even do anything once Leo is sleeping or we will wake him up.

Weekends we apparently are incapable of achieving anything, the day just doesn’t flow well as you are constantly fitting stuff in around nap times and having a tiny bit of a life if possible and spending time together.

I think tomorrow, I will sack off my baby sign class as it just mucks up my day. I will walk into Knutsford in the morning and post the last eBay item I have to get rid of, so that can stop playing on my mind (I recommend never selling anything on eBay when you have a small child and only one car) . I will then attempt to find some distilled water, although there is a chance that I won’t be able to carry that or fit it under the pushchair and then will start moving everything out of the nursery.

I have issues with patience at the best of times, but this has been rumbling for a few weeks now so stands to make me really mad and that is something I want to avoid at all costs!


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